He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
