Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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