can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
