Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
