Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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