I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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