Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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