They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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