Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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