I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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