He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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