I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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