I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
