I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
