She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
