I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
