Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
