Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
