i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
