she was so not down for the gang bang
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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