so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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