The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Success! We fucked roommates!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
