This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
