Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
