What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
