How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
