i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
