...so i touched it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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