happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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