I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I haven't been this sober since birth.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
