I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
