i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
