ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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