You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
