I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
