So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize