the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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