after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
