I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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