i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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