eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
