put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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