I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize