At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
