how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Actions speak louder than pants.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize