What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
