last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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