She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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