I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
