i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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