i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
