bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
