Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
