I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
