I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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