whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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