Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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