Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
