There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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