i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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