I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
