i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
