I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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