Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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