If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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