Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
