I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
