apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
