Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
