i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if only i could text you this smell
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
