I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
