OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
